Loose Ends.

So, the real battle begins….

She types her words from her mind, yet she can still his face clearer than any other thought. She lingers at the time when she already opened the door to his reality. The one place where he has hidden everything, his skeletons, his sins and his love. She already knew that this would definitely hurt her but she brushed the fear off and took a deep breath and devoured the deepest and the darkest alley of his life. 

There she saw ghosts and memories of the past. Past that she confidently thought she would never get attached to. Past that she fearlessly entered. His past that she consistently cries for now. 

She couldn’t breath. She couldn’t sleep. And she sees these moving words as she passes by that alley. She realizes that his words for her were different. Different in a lot of ways. He told her things she wished to hear. He told her the words she longed to listen to. He even told her what she always tell him. Leaping forward, she tried to run as fast as she could, but she couldn’t make herself move. Because she was stuck. She was in that moment and nobody could help her. She was perfect for him, he said. He wouldn’t forget about her, ever, he claimed. And as she, sees how he really felt towards her, she felt this hole in her chest. This hand that clenches her whole stomach, twisting it, making her suffer. She cries. But he didn’t hear her. 

Until she finally ran past these images, and saw the end. The light. She woke up from her dream she never thought she’d escape. 

As soon as she wakes up, she ran towards her journal and wrote, “I will never be her. And he will never be him who was once hers…..” Then she cried her heart out. She felt  pain. The same pain she felt when she saw those images. The same damage she went through while being inside his tunnel. And probably, this will be the same amount of pang she would feel when she would look him in his eyes. 

She confidently thought that he loves her. But then, the real battle began that’s inside her. Comparing what she has, what she can, and what she can’t. To what she saw, heard and read. She suffers greatly inside. She cries. She couldn’t sleep. She’s tired but she could not manage to rest. She’s forgotten how to be alive. He already infected her. So much that she would not let a day go on without a dose of him. She already had succumb to the pain. She wanted to cry in front of him. But he wouldn’t give a damn about it. He might. But he would just kiss the pain away. And in that moment, she could at least give a try on being confident, again, then the whole cycle begins, again. 

He is her pain. He is her antidote. He is both her weakness and her strength. 

She writes now while she weeps. She couldn’t take this anymore. Yet, she would still wait for that one moment where she would hear the words she longed and yearned for… The same exact words she saw that he told her. The sweetness of each word as it comes out of his lips. She would wait, until he would notice. She would wait, until he would commit everything. She terribly misses him. She absolutely wants to be with him. 

Her only him. 

pauii018:

Everything including the negative things about them.